Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
