I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
operation harelip BJ is a go
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
