I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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