just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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