Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
