are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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