Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
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