she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
