my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
