are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
