honey bunches of taint.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
