you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
