Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
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