WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
