Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
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Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
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You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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