Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
