just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
