Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
