piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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