oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
