So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
