What a fucking waste of an outfit
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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