ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
