Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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