The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
