You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
