We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
