i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
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