the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
So vagazzling was a success
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
