I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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