I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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