well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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