You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
It was confusing and full of hummus
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I am one with the molecules
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
