So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
