ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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