She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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