Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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