last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
That reminds me...we need to get swords
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
We had to coat check the pizza.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
how drunk are you?
Several
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
