My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
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