Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I cockslap morals
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
