I cockslap morals
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
