My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Randomize
