sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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