Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Randomize
