I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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