I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
