im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
