I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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