I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
