ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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