And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
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