what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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