I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
