All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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