Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
