i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
