Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
