Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
