Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Randomize
