my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
