Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
