Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
