Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
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