I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
