I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
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